The Decline and Fall of Creativity in Hollywood

Every year, Hollywood likes to remind everyone in America just how talented and important they are by throwing themselves a 3+ hour self-loving ceremony. They dress up in their finest fashions, answer Ryan Seacrest's innate questions on the red carpet, and take credit for basically everything good and just in this world. The Academy Awards are given such importance that we are forced to watch montages of previous Oscars during the broadcast of the current ceremony. However, despite the pomp and pageantry, this year the 80th Oscars received its worst ratings in history.

Pulling in a paltry 32 million viewers, the Oscars just barely topped American Idol's Thursday night viewership of 30 million. Why are people so disinterested in Hollywood's annual circle jerk? Some say it was the dark and violent tone of the majority of films nominated, like There Will Be Blood, No Country For Old Men, and Sweeny Todd, that turned off viewers. I have a better reason to not watch.

I'm mad at Hollywood because it's lost all semblance of creativity. I'm not necessarily talking about the Oscar nominated films. Those films were critic successes by proven directors, like the Cohen brothers and Paul Thomas Anderson. These guys are the exception in Hollywood, not the norm. The overwhelming majority of films that are greenlit for production are repetitive, derivative, and unoriginal. With the skyrocketing cost of filmmaking, Hollywood executives are afraid to make a movie that hasn't already been made. As a result, we get movies like Alvin and the Chipmunks.

There's been an avalanche of films that are simply remakes of old movies, remakes of old TV shows, or just straight up sequels. Everybody loves the old Pink Panther movies with Inspector Clouseau, but that doesn't mean we want Steve Martin to humiliate himself in a half-baked remake. I don't remember a large public outcry for an Underdog movie, but thats exactly what we got. Nor did we need a movie version of Miami Vice, especially when Bad Boys is pretty much the same thing. I didn't see these films, but I was forced to sit through hours of commercials for them, which is just as bad.

Even remakes or sequels that seem good in theory turn out to be ludicrous to the average observer, or insulting to the loyal fan base. I love the first two Alien movies, and the original Predator is one the greatest action films ever made. The Alien and Predator movies were always R-rated, violent, and awesome. So naturally, Hollywood decided to make a PG-13 Alien Vs Predator movie, in which the female main character befriends and fights alongside the Predator. I'm serious, that's actually what happens. The rancid cherry atop this diseased and festering cake is, of course, the even worse sequel to this film: Alien Vs Predator 2. Great idea, guys!

Some people are benefiting from this overall lack of creativity. By some people, I mean Sylvester Stallone. It seems no one had seen him since Cop Land in 1997, until he got the great idea to remake the only movies that made him famous. Anyone who saw the 2006 remake of Rocky starring this steroid infused sexagenarian with a speech impediment knows how sad it was for both the star and audience. Needless to say, I don't have high hopes for the new Rambo. Following Stallone's lead, 66 year-old Harrison Ford stars in the title role in the upcoming Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. To put that age in perspective, Bruce Willis was 53 when he reprised his role of Detective John McClain in Live Free Or Die Hard. Just bow out gracefully, guys.

Television is not safe either, as former crappy TV shows like Knightrider and The Bionic Woman, have been remade into current crappy TV shows like Knightrider and The Bionic Woman. Even everyone's favorite TV show, The Office is merely a remake of a BBC show, entitled The Office.

Not all Hollywood rip-offs are straight up sequels are remakes. For example, Will Ferrell has continued his earnest effort to become the most overexposed comedic actor of our time, by basically making the same movie three times. Talladega Nights, Blades of Glory, and Semi-Pro are all increasingly bad versions of the same film. I'll concede it is funny seeing Ferrell with his shirt off, but I think they should actually write a script for his next movie.

With the state of entertainment in America these days, I find myself thinking that all of the blame cannot be placed on Hollywood. We, the consuming public are responsible for allowing things to become this way. No matter what movies and television shows are produced, we still have the choice of which ones to watch and which to ignore. So go ahead and skip Saw 5, or change the channel during The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Remember folks, we are the reason why Arrested Development got canceled.

Zen and the Art of Stock Car Racing

Any observant American knows that there are actually two Americas. No, I don't mean North America and South America, smartass. What I mean is that in this vast and great country, there exist two separate mindsets. I hesitate to pigeonhole these two groups into Red States and Blue States, though that works so well for my comparison that I can't resist.

Before I go any further, I want to acknowledge that these are stereotypes I refer to, and in no way representative of all people in either of these categories. Ok, with the disclaimer out of the way, let's start offending people!

A year ago, I was deeply ensconced in the world of Academia. I was a college student, getting a pretentious degree in English. I was surrounded by liberal minded people, listing to indie rock and hip hop. Classroom debates wrestled with the effects of post-colonialism, gender roles, and psychoanalysis. This was a world of secular humanism, elitism, and European beer. Discussions of Fellini and Freud. This was the stronghold of Blue State philosophy.

I would scoff at the plebeian pursuits of the Red States, such as country music, professorial wrestling, and NASCAR racing. These are the kind of people who actually said "freedom fries" a few years back, and meant it. I thought it was clear to anyone with a half a brain that country music sucked, professional wrestling was fake, and NASCAR was boring. I still maintain country music sucks, as does pro wrestling. However, this past Sunday I was sitting at home when my friends called me, asking to come watch the Daytona 500 with them.

Naturally, I was skeptical. I'd never even attempted to sit through a NASCAR race. I barely knew any drivers, I don't own a pickup truck, and to make matters worse I don't even have a mullet. However, the alternative was a Law & Order marathon with my parents. I knew I had no choice.

As I drove to my friend's house to watch the race, I suddenly wondered if I was overdressed. I was, after all, wearing a shirt. I decided it was too late to change into a bare chest and trucker hat, so I continued onward, fully dressed.

I arrived at my destination and met my friends huddled in the basement, surrounded by two TVs blaring the race broadcast. Many were wearing hats with the sponsor of their favorite driver. Surprisingly they all had shirts on, and presumably socks on both feet. I began to rethink my preconceived notions of racing fans when I noticed no one was missing any teeth.

"Grab yourself a beer," they commanded. I reached down into the cooler. Normally, I'd prefer a Stella Artois, Guinness, or some other beer containing "flavor". They had Budweiser. Bud Heavy. In a can. The official beer of the Red States.

The race was already underway. My friends all had a personal favorite driver to root for, adding a critical element of personal involvement. I arbitrarily chose my own driver: Greg Biffle. I tried hard to become emotionally invested in the race.

A few Buds and 20 laps later, I found myself seeing things I hadn't noticed before. The subtlety of drafting; using the car ahead to break up the airflow and gain a valuable few more mphs. My boy Biffle was cruising in 2nd place.

I was getting more into it, though I found the yokel commentators were mildly obnoxious at best. I was growing tired of their overexcited banter when they announced they were going to "crank it up". The race commentary went silent, the screen became uncluttered with displays, and the track microphones were turned up. The only sounds were the roar of the engines and the shriek of the cars flying past. This is how the entire race should have been broadcast. When it ended a few laps later, the announcers returned and my awe faded, but for a precious few moments I think I started to understand the appeal of the sport that dominates the majority of America.

I think in retrospect the race itself is secondary to the experience of watching NASCAR. The main event is drinking cheap domestic beer with friends. It's about laughing in your friend's face when his driver gets slammed into the wall with 10 laps to go, knocking him out of contention. NASCAR itself is a lot like Budweiser beer. It's certainly not the best, and there are many beers I'd much rather be drinking. However, it is easy to drink, cheap, social, and undeniably American.

I don't love NASCAR, and I doubt I'll watch another race until perhaps the next Daytona 500. However, I can now honestly say I at least tried something new and gained a valuable perspective on my native country.

As for country music and pro wrestling...thats a whole 'nother post.

"Do you believe in unlikelihoods!?"

Hello, world. Since I have been unable to secure employment in the last 9 months following my graduation, I have decided to give the world my unsolicited opinion on everything. Hence, this blog.

First off, go Giants. I vividly remember reading the sports section of the Star Ledger after their week 2 loss to Green Bay, declaring the 2007 Giants defense as the worst in franchise history. All these months later, who could have predicted they would hold the NFL's most prolific offense to 14 points?

As for Tom Brady and crew, you'll have to excuse me if I find it hard to feel sorry for them. Brady already has 3 rings, not to mention a harem of exotic supermodels and actresses. I'd be willing to wager good money that the Patriots smiled knowingly to one another when they found out they'd be facing the Giants in Arizona, as if to say their quest for perfection was all but inevitable against the 5th seed from the NFC. Who's smiling smugly now?

Noteworthy for Giants fans must be the conspicuous absence of Tiki Barber and Jeremy Shockey. Without the glare from these two outspoken stars, the Giants flourished. Say what you want about Tiki's comments, but any true fan knows that he was the only bright spot on their roster for about 6 seasons. Despite his prior commitment to the team, he will now be remember only as a ringless traitor to the cause.

As for Shockey, do we even want him back? He was always overflowing with talent and emotion, though it never really translated into results. Kevin Boss didn't exactly set the world on fire, but his contributions were felt throughout New York's championship run.

On another note, the commercials were overwhelmingly underwhelming, as was the commentary from Joe Buck. Despite being a long-time Giants fan, I actually don't mind Troy Aikman as an announcer. Joe Buck, on the other hand, is the bane of my existence. He couldn't open his mouth without inserting a Patriot man stick directly inside it. His anti-NY bias has been evident all season long and came to an infuriating climax this past Sunday.

Anyway, that'll be all for my first foray into blogging. It's been a lot like my first time with a woman, except I don't find myself crying and profusely apologizing afterwards. Though maybe I should be.