Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Review

[This review is pretty much entirely spoiler free, so it is safe to read even if you haven't seen the film.]












Going into a movie like this with the right expectations is no simple feat. I went into the Star Wars prequels with extremely high expectations, and as a result I was supremely disappointed. The first Star Wars prequel not only left me feeling angered and bewildered, but it also made me wonder if the original Star Wars films were even as good as I had remembered. That was my ultimate fear going into Indy 4: that I would not only hate the movie, but it would compromise my love of the previous films as well. It was with these fears and lowered expectations that I regarded the film as it began last night at 12:01 am.

After watching some truly underwhelming trailers, the theater went dark and the glistening green Lucasfilm logo emerged before us. Some nerds began to clap and cheer. I fidgeted in my chair; an almost Pavlovian response to seeing that Lucasfilm logo that had betrayed me so many times before in recent years. The final thought that lingered in my head as the Paramount logo ran: please God, let there be no CGI. The logo faded and the film began, opening with a CGI heavy first shot.

I wish I were kidding, but it's true. You may be wondering, rightfully so, what on earth could even be created with CGI in an Indiana Jones film? This is not Star Wars or Jurassic Park, this is Indiana Jones. Trucks flip over and stuff, and that's pretty much it! It looked fucking awesome in 1981 with Raiders of the Lost Ark, so why did they feel the need to forcefully inject computer generated imagery into every nook and cranny of this film? Well, needless to say, Spielberg and Lucas have found a plethora of things in Indiana Jones to make with CGI, and you are either going to say, "Aw, that's cute," or "Goddammit, they killed everything that I hold dear in this world." But I digress...

The film begins a bit awkwardly as you finally get a glimpse of just how old Harrison Ford is very early on. And he looks old. He's so old that he has old man posture when he stands. With his pants riding high around his navel and his shoulders slouched forward, he looks like an old man you'd see at the grocery store holding a can of evaporated milk in one hand and condensed milk in the other, with a look of profound confusion upon his face. It's so apparent that when you see his younger, more virile stunt double flipping and jumping around, you are instantly taken out of the action. If you can get past all that, I must admit I somewhat enjoyed the first hour of the film.

The first half of the film does have some slick action sequences, and despite his age, Harrison Ford does still throw in a performance worthy of an Indiana Jones film. He is still Indy, albeit an older, grumpier version of the character. Scenes that stand out in my mind are the refrigerator scene and the jungle car chase, which are both pretty neat. Shia Labeof is consistently likable throughout the film, and a surprisingly still good-looking Karen Allen competently reprises her role as Marion Ravenwood. Kate Blanchett is only a mildly believable Soviet villain, but her character disappears for long stretches at a time so it's not really an issue.

After about the halfway point the film takes a turn for the worse, as its increasingly silly storyline takes the movie into a place that I don't think any fan saw coming. I see what they were going for, and anyone who's watched too much of the History channel could have thought up this plot, but I really don't think that this script should have compelled Spielberg and others to actually make this movie. On that note, I don't think any script really would have made this movie a great idea.

Spielberg and Lucas have continued their tradition of making some of the greatest modern heroes and epics, and then going back and negatively altering them. Did they kill Indiana Jones? No, it's an ok film that any real fan should probably see, as long as they aren't expecting to see a Raiders of the Lost Ark-caliber film. Seeing this film is a bit like going back to your elementary school to see your beloved fiery 6th grade history teacher who knew so much and encouraged you to see all you could in the world. Then you go back to visit him and he's completely gray and wrinkled, and starting to go a little crazy. And you think, "Gee, I kinda wish I never saw him like this."

Summer Movies: Tropic Thunder

It's been a while since I've really been impressed by a Ben Stiller film. After the gloriously hilarious Zoolander (2001), his record has been somewhat inconsistent. Dodgeball was, for me, just ok, and Starsky & Hutch blew pretty hard. Well the time has come to redeem A Night in the Museum, and it has come in the form of Tropic Thunder.

Tropic Thunder, which Stiller directed and helped write, features an all-star cast including Stiller, Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr, and others playing actors attempting to film an ambitious Vietnam War film. I was personally on board for this movie once I heard Downey Jr's character undergoes a controversial medical procedure to make him black, in order to get more deeply into character. The reverse Michael Jackson, if you will.

Of course, something goes wrong during filming, and the actors find themselves fighting real guerrillas in the jungle. To get a good idea of what we're in for, click here to watch the red band trailer through itunes. Hopefully it'll live up to its moderate Internet hype, and make us all forget about the fact that sequels to both Madagascar and A Night at the Museum are forthcoming.

The Inevitable GTA IV Post

Unless you've been living in a cave on Mars for the past few weeks, or in The United Arab Emirates, you've probably heard about Grand Theft Auto IV. After selling an absurd 3.6 million copies and raking in $310 million in a single day, GTA IV has crossed over from a subculture obsession into a mainstream phenomenon. So what is it that makes this game so insanely popular and, in my opinion, so additively entertaining?

First off, it has a painstakingly rendered version of the major New York metropolitan area, with instantly recognizable landmarks such as the Brooklyn Bridge, Empire State Building, and Statue of Liberty. In terms of graphics, everything looks good, from the sunlight shimmering off water to the bloodstains that adorn your car after mowing down a herd of pedestrians. Throw in some movie-caliber writing and voice acting, along with hours of perfectly crafted radio content, and you've already made a superior product.

However, all that is just the foundation on which the house of GTA IV is built. When you pick up the controller and start walking around the city, you realize something more is going on here. After walking out of your apartment, you see a crazy homeless man preaching to an empty street corner about "reptilian death rays" and the like. A woman walks by, picks up her ringing cell phone, and incredulously reacts to news that she bombed her audition. I see a heavily tinted Escalade drive by and attempt to jack it, when three gang bangers jump out and start beating me mercilessly. I would have been killed had the cops not arrived and arrested them. Everything that just occurred was random and could have happened ten different ways.

Another time, I emerged from my apartment and ran across the street blindly to jack a muscle car parked near the sidewalk opposite me. Before I could get close an ambulance came streaking into view, smashing my head into its grill and then the pavement, killing me instantly. It's hard to explain all the awesome ways in which I've been inadvertently killed, but I can almost promise you it's never happened exactly the same way twice.

Yet another time I instantly stole a motorcycle after exiting my apartment. After reaching top speed as quickly as possibly, I invariably smashed into the side of a vehicle, sending me flipping over the handle bars and cartwheeling some thirty feet into the air. My body hit the top of street lamp which I dangled from for a moment before smashing into the pavement with a sickly thud. I was miraculously alive, and as I stood up to collect myself I saw a minivan hurdling towards me just before I was annihilated.

For all the intense story mission and attempts to create scripted, movie-like events, the true glory of GTA exists in the random occurrences that are unpredictable and can sometimes never be recreated. Thanks to the advanced rag-doll physics engine, called Euphoria, every body in the game reacts to the external forces, i.e. speeding stolen vehicles, in both a naturalistic and cartoony fashion. Add that to all the cars, bikes, helicopters, weather cycles, and everything else in this game, and you've created something truly unique and groundbreaking.

I asked my mom to watch me play yesterday so she could see first hand the game that was making all the headlines. After I flipped my SUV by smashing into a sidewalk of pedestrians, she made a Marge Simpson-esque grumble, and asked, "Now, why did you do that?" Though she later admitted that the game was "not her cup of tea," she did seem impressed by the level of detail and sophistication that was clearly evident after only watching me play for 10 minutes. After playing for quite a few hours myself, (the actual number of hours will not be shared here, as to spare me from your judgmental comments) believe me when I say that this game will own your life. But you should probably try to avoid playing it when your parents are watching.